Mesothelioma cancer is often a terminal illness with most victims dying within one year of diagnosis. This grim fact is a very difficult fact that victim and the people around them will have to face. The person with cancer may be in pain, may be incapacitated by the cancer or may be able to walk only a few steps, or may be confused. It is hard to watch someone you love gradually pass away in this manner.
No matter how hard it may be, it is still important to try to be there for the person. The person with cancer may feel lonely even if there are people around. This is because the people nearby may not be really in tune with what is going on with the person. You can be the person who is in sync with your loved one every step of the way. Just by staying close and listening with a smile or gentle touch, you show you are there for your friend or family member. It takes courage and extra energy to be in this situation.
Sometimes the person with advanced mesothelioma cancer may pull away from people and seem to be withdrawing as he enters the dying process. This is usually a natural process and is one way of disconnecting from life. The best thing you can do if this happens is to take the person’s cue, and simply stay in the background and be available. Try not to take this withdrawal personally or feel hurt when the person pulls away. It likely has nothing to do with you.
Most people do not what to say when a person talks about dying. This is a very common occurrence. Some people want talk about different parts of the dying process, they want to know what to expect. Some want to know how they will die, and ask, “What will happen when I’m actually dying?” For answers to these questions, you will need to find experts in hospice care or care of the terminally ill. If you don’t know the answers to specific questions, you can say, “I don’t know, but we will call some people who can help us with those answers.” These professionals can guide you and the person with cancer by explaining the things that might happen as death gets closer.
Hospice staff members are used to answering these questions, and they are skilled in answering doing it in a supportive, caring way. In many communities, hospice organizations give expert, compassionate care for people with advanced disease.
The mesothelioma victim might ask you why the cancer is afflicting him or her. This is a very tough question to answer because there is really no answer, and it is heart wrenching to feel the pain that lies within such a question. It is always better to give the simple answer “I don’t know” and hold the hand of the victim and let the person cry or talk about their sadness and regrets. Allowing a person to do this is a true help because so many people avoid the topic of dying and won’t allow themselves to feel this pain with their loved one.
Sometimes dying mesothelioma victims may feel the need to get some things off their chests. They may want open up to you about some of the things they did in their life that they are not proud of and they are now regretting. They may want to apologize about these things. They may want to give you instructions about what to do for them in the future.
Respectfully listening and, of course, providing forgiveness and a loving attitude are all that’s needed. There are no magic words for the dying person, but often your presence is like magic and having an open heart is priceless.
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